Hello January

So after the inevitable 'review of the year' post came the inevitable Christmas weight gain. I was aiming to be 10st on my last weigh-in before Christmas, and I was 10st 1lb so that's good enough for me. I planned to eat (and drink) what I wanted over the two weeks after that, which of course I did, so I expected a gain and the 4lbs I put on was not too disastrous.

I've lost 2lbs of those 4, so I think I can get to 10st for Valentine's Day. Four weeks to lose 3lbs is definitely achievable.

Last year's Valentine's chocolates. Om nom nom.

I had a look back at what I weighed early last year, and I'm 10lbs lighter than I was this time last year. 1st 1lb lighter than I was in March, in fact. Which is nice. Well, the compulsion to overeat wasn't nice but I have that under control now. I relax a bit and use my 49 ProPoints for takeaways and treats at the weekend, then stick to my daily 26PPs on weekdays. Which gives a nice balance of indulgence and control which seems to work for me.

Talking of indulgence, it's Friday and I've just been weighed, so I'm off to eat things!

The inevitable 'review of the year' post

Being New Year's Eve, I had to write the inevitable 'review of the year' post really.

Towards the end of 2012, it was pretty good as we'd just got married. However, spoiling our honeymoon period a little, I lost my job last December. This led to my depression going from mild to moderate/severe, which (of course) led to compulsive overeating. I gained back almost all of the stone I'd lost in 2012 (a 12lb gain, to be exact) over about 3 months.

So I was feeling pretty useless last winter, but thankfully an opportunity to do some admin for a carers' charity came up. This helped me to feel rather less useless, gave me some good work experience and (most importantly) helped them out for a few months.

In feeling better about myself I was able to start losing some weight again. As summer rolled round, the work at the charity dried up, but by then I was back on the Fluoxetine (an antidepressant) so I was able to continue feeling better.

In July, I did a course in employability and computer skills - something else to boost my self-esteem. That was months ago and I'm still not in work, but the ECDL qualification should help me to get something eventually.

Talking of self-esteem, perhaps the best thing for my mental health this year has been the Self-Esteem group  I've attended (run by the NHS). Knowing that other people feel a similar way to me, and having a structured course and good advice from the ladies who ran it on how to work on not feeling like that, has been very helpful. The course was largely based on a book called Overcoming Low Self-Esteem. I made some good friends on that course, who I hope to continue seeing.

I can't say I'm fixed quite yet, but I'm getting there! My new year's resolutions are about working towards getting better, and getting my life back on track.

The main life-back-on-track resolution is to get a job. Rather more easily said than done, but essential for my mental health and my husband's.

I also want to lose at least a stone, perhaps even a stone and a half (21lbs) to get to my goal weight. To get to a size 12 in 2014 would be a nice achievement.

Another resolution is to continue to work on my mental health. To be kinder yet firmer with myself in working towards improving my life.

I'd also like to be more creative in 2014, so I've started a new art journal. Not in a diary like previous years, so no pressure to record every day. I intend to draw/write something as often as I can though, whether it is a positive affirmation, an emotional rant or just a doodle.

At my heaviest this year, I weighed 11st 4lbs (in March I think), and at my last weigh-in of the year (20th Dec) I weighed 10st 1lb - a loss of 1st 3lbs (17lbs) in 2013. If I can have a similar loss in 2014, I'll be very close to my goal! Dread to to think what I weigh after the Christmas eating and drinking though ...

Happy New Year to anyone who might be reading this. We'll be spending it with Big Bang Theory and wine. Here's to a 2014 full of possibilities! 

Emotional Eating

A page I follow on Facebook (the page of a local gym I have yet to join, in fact) posted an interesting article on emotional eating today. For quite a while I'd assumed I was an emotional eater, and I sometimes can be, but I have realised that am more of a boredom eater. And an I-really-like-crisps-and-choklit-and-sweets-and-biscuits eater.

The aforementioned article says all the usual things about emotional/comfort eating, such as observing how you are feeling when you have unhealthy snacks. Through observations like that, I've realised why I sometimes binge, but that hasn't yet solved the problem. I used to be so in control of it, so I know I can control myself. Is control the issue though? Shouldn't I be dealing with the root of why I want these things, rather than just stopping myself from having them?



What really struck a chord with me is something the article also mentions about setting yourself a routine, including a little bit of everything - exercise, work, fun and socializing - in that routine. I think that's what I lack; a bit of variety and fun.

The work part of that equation is at least taken care of. Regular readers (if I have any) may have noticed that I haven't posted for a while. Well, after over 3 years (ack!) of unemployment, I have a job, which I started in June. Having a job is great, but it means less free time to blog (and play Cityville, not that that's relevant)! Working selling nuts, dried fruit and sweets is not terribly diet-friendly. Also, my WW vouchers ran out, and I hadn't lost enough weight to get any more, so I haven't been to meetings for a few weeks. There's also the issue of having gotten rather bored of weight watching, and therefore falling backing into old bad habits. All in all, there's not been any weight loss to blog about.

I've started to miss losing weight though, and I'm pretty sick of being a size 16. I need to get back on it! I'm not entirely sure how to proceed though - it looks like I'm not getting any more vouchers, and monthly pass looks prohibitively expensive (nearly £240 a year!). Hopefully I can go it alone ...

Control Yourself!

I succeeded at controlling myself last week, and lost 2lbs on Friday. Hurrah! Just need to keep it up and I'll see some more losses. And remember that, in the long run, losing weight is much more fun than pigging out!

However, while I know this, I still succumb to the urge to pig out. Weekends seem to be the worst for it. While it's ok to have some treats, I have a tendency to really overdo it. I went way over my weekly points at the weekend.



I'm back on track now though - only had 25 PPs yesterday, and I'll carry on controlling myself through the week. Hopefully I'll manage to have a loss, but I'll know why if I don't!

Getting back on track. Again.

I failed miserably at the challenge I set myself in the previous post. I thought it was unlikely that I would lose anything that week, but I've gone way too far in the other direction and put on three pounds in the past three weeks.



I haven't been very good at controlling myself over the Easter and birthday period. Sweet things always turn me into this person



and I end up binging.

I've been having big thinks about my relationship with food and such, but getting back on track, for now at least, probably isn't that complicated. I just need to control myself. In the long term though, I do need to rethink my attitude to food. Even after a year and three months of Weight Watchers, I still can't shake the idea that over-eating is fun. Which it is at the time, but I end up angry with myself on weigh-in day. I know that it's so not worth it, but I do it all the same.

I know I had the self-control at one point though. In this post from July, I was all about the self control. Now though, having one treat triggers the craving for more, and I end up letting myself binge. I've become lazy with my weight-watching.

I WILL have a loss this week though! Self-control and vegetables, here I come. I'll let you know how I do after next Friday's weigh-in :)

Friday, Friday
Gotta lose weight for Friday
Everybody's looking forward to a weight loss

(If you don't know what that last bit refers to, you're lucky. Or out of touch with memes. Both of which are healthy.)

I'm kind of bad at this

2lbs to lose til I reach my 10% goal. Again. I originally reached my 10% goal of 11st 4lbs on the 22nd of July last year, then got under 11st at the end of September. Now though, I'm back up to 11st 5lbs. On the new plan, my 10% goal appears to be 11st 3lbs. Not sure why it's different, but hey. Hopefully in a couple of weeks I'll get to see what's in the 'Totally 10%' booklet.

Though I doubt very much that I'll get a second one of these :)



My 10% keyring

I wanted to be a size 14 by Halloween. That didn't happen. Then I said Christmas. That didn't happen either. Now I'm thinking late March.

On the bright side though, I do seem to have had a bit of inch-loss, which is something. An inch from my upper arm, and half an inch from my hips in the past four weeks. Though I might just be holding the tape measure in a different place!

What a smoothie

I made my own smoothie/milkshake thing, inspired by this Weight Watchers recipe:



Mine was a slightly over-ripe banana, about half a pint of skimmed milk, and a pot of low fat strawberry yogurt, all blended together. Very nice it was too, and for a ProPoints value of 6.

Being used to the old Points, 6 sounds like a lot, but I don't think it's too bad. Even if that is a high ProPoints value, it was a healthy drink so I won't worry :) I only started on the new plan yesterday, so I'm still getting used to what points are in things.

I've been somewhat over-indulgent over the past few weeks, getting lazy and complacent with my point-counting (or rather, not counting). I didn't manage to reach my size 14 for Halloween target, which I am a bit miffed about. I'm still on my way down to size 14 though, and I will get there before Christmas! I think change, i.e. the new plan, should be the kick start I need to get me back on track, thinking about my food more, and therefore losing weight again.

These boots were made for walking ...

Stayed the same this week, grr. I've done more than twice the amount of exercise today than I did in the whole of last week, so I think I will have lost at next weigh-in (despite tonight's chips!). The ubiquitous pedometer tells me that I've earned 3.5 activity points today (compared to 1.5 points for the whole of last week), and that I've done 18347 steps and 7 miles. It did go beep while I was sitting on the bus though, so I'm not entirely sure how accurate it is!



I mentioned my Social Anxiety in the previous post, and my SA is to blame/thank for all the walking I've done today, as I've had to visit Remploy (an organisation that helps people with long-term illnesses and disabilities back into work) in Wolverhampton. I had my WW meeting this morning, so walking up the hill to that was the first mile. WW finished at 10:30, so I had some time to kill before I caught the bus at 1:15, which I of course spent wandering round Merry Hill (local mall), so that was another couple of miles. Then there was the wandering round the streets of Wolverhampton trying to follow the route Google Maps gave me, and then finding that the Remploy office was in fact a straight line from the bus stop (sigh). Still, I've got some exercise today, and I'll know where they are next time!

Talking of shopping, lots of the shops have their Halloween things in and, as I love all things spooky, I've been stocking up. Accessorize have a little Halloween range, and I had to have these bat studs. Only two weeks to go til I can put the decorations up - I can't wait!

Another oops

Being down the Asda end of Merry Hill at lunchtime is not a good idea. McDonald's calls to me, and today I gave in. Quarter Pounder with Cheese, plus fries, plus Diet Coke came to 15.5 points (my daily allowance is only 19). Ouch. Next time (next time?!) I'll know to have chicken nuggets - 6 are only 4 points. What makes it worse is that, apart from posting parcels, I was only down there to buy healthy stuff for tonight's dinner! Bad girl.

That stone I'd lost last time I posted is not quite a stone any more - I put on half a pound last week. So I should be being good, not eating Maccy D's! Tut tut tut.


^
Me in summer clothes, at my current weight of 11st 8lb. I look like I have a weird bump on my belly, but it's just the tie on my shorts.

Hahaha, oops

No weight lost this week, oops. No weight gained either though, so it's not all bad. Although this week's effort wasn't helped by the pub lunch I had earlier - burger and chips, nom nom nom (and salad - healthy!). At least I didn't have what the boyfriend had - a mixed grill thing which involved steak, black pudding, gammon, a sausage, a fried egg and pork, plus chips. Mine was my entire points allowance for the day, so I dread to think of the points in his!