The inevitable 'review of the year' post

Being New Year's Eve, I had to write the inevitable 'review of the year' post really.

Towards the end of 2012, it was pretty good as we'd just got married. However, spoiling our honeymoon period a little, I lost my job last December. This led to my depression going from mild to moderate/severe, which (of course) led to compulsive overeating. I gained back almost all of the stone I'd lost in 2012 (a 12lb gain, to be exact) over about 3 months.

So I was feeling pretty useless last winter, but thankfully an opportunity to do some admin for a carers' charity came up. This helped me to feel rather less useless, gave me some good work experience and (most importantly) helped them out for a few months.

In feeling better about myself I was able to start losing some weight again. As summer rolled round, the work at the charity dried up, but by then I was back on the Fluoxetine (an antidepressant) so I was able to continue feeling better.

In July, I did a course in employability and computer skills - something else to boost my self-esteem. That was months ago and I'm still not in work, but the ECDL qualification should help me to get something eventually.

Talking of self-esteem, perhaps the best thing for my mental health this year has been the Self-Esteem group  I've attended (run by the NHS). Knowing that other people feel a similar way to me, and having a structured course and good advice from the ladies who ran it on how to work on not feeling like that, has been very helpful. The course was largely based on a book called Overcoming Low Self-Esteem. I made some good friends on that course, who I hope to continue seeing.

I can't say I'm fixed quite yet, but I'm getting there! My new year's resolutions are about working towards getting better, and getting my life back on track.

The main life-back-on-track resolution is to get a job. Rather more easily said than done, but essential for my mental health and my husband's.

I also want to lose at least a stone, perhaps even a stone and a half (21lbs) to get to my goal weight. To get to a size 12 in 2014 would be a nice achievement.

Another resolution is to continue to work on my mental health. To be kinder yet firmer with myself in working towards improving my life.

I'd also like to be more creative in 2014, so I've started a new art journal. Not in a diary like previous years, so no pressure to record every day. I intend to draw/write something as often as I can though, whether it is a positive affirmation, an emotional rant or just a doodle.

At my heaviest this year, I weighed 11st 4lbs (in March I think), and at my last weigh-in of the year (20th Dec) I weighed 10st 1lb - a loss of 1st 3lbs (17lbs) in 2013. If I can have a similar loss in 2014, I'll be very close to my goal! Dread to to think what I weigh after the Christmas eating and drinking though ...

Happy New Year to anyone who might be reading this. We'll be spending it with Big Bang Theory and wine. Here's to a 2014 full of possibilities! 

Emotional Eating

A page I follow on Facebook (the page of a local gym I have yet to join, in fact) posted an interesting article on emotional eating today. For quite a while I'd assumed I was an emotional eater, and I sometimes can be, but I have realised that am more of a boredom eater. And an I-really-like-crisps-and-choklit-and-sweets-and-biscuits eater.

The aforementioned article says all the usual things about emotional/comfort eating, such as observing how you are feeling when you have unhealthy snacks. Through observations like that, I've realised why I sometimes binge, but that hasn't yet solved the problem. I used to be so in control of it, so I know I can control myself. Is control the issue though? Shouldn't I be dealing with the root of why I want these things, rather than just stopping myself from having them?



What really struck a chord with me is something the article also mentions about setting yourself a routine, including a little bit of everything - exercise, work, fun and socializing - in that routine. I think that's what I lack; a bit of variety and fun.

The work part of that equation is at least taken care of. Regular readers (if I have any) may have noticed that I haven't posted for a while. Well, after over 3 years (ack!) of unemployment, I have a job, which I started in June. Having a job is great, but it means less free time to blog (and play Cityville, not that that's relevant)! Working selling nuts, dried fruit and sweets is not terribly diet-friendly. Also, my WW vouchers ran out, and I hadn't lost enough weight to get any more, so I haven't been to meetings for a few weeks. There's also the issue of having gotten rather bored of weight watching, and therefore falling backing into old bad habits. All in all, there's not been any weight loss to blog about.

I've started to miss losing weight though, and I'm pretty sick of being a size 16. I need to get back on it! I'm not entirely sure how to proceed though - it looks like I'm not getting any more vouchers, and monthly pass looks prohibitively expensive (nearly £240 a year!). Hopefully I can go it alone ...

Getting back on track. Again.

I failed miserably at the challenge I set myself in the previous post. I thought it was unlikely that I would lose anything that week, but I've gone way too far in the other direction and put on three pounds in the past three weeks.



I haven't been very good at controlling myself over the Easter and birthday period. Sweet things always turn me into this person



and I end up binging.

I've been having big thinks about my relationship with food and such, but getting back on track, for now at least, probably isn't that complicated. I just need to control myself. In the long term though, I do need to rethink my attitude to food. Even after a year and three months of Weight Watchers, I still can't shake the idea that over-eating is fun. Which it is at the time, but I end up angry with myself on weigh-in day. I know that it's so not worth it, but I do it all the same.

I know I had the self-control at one point though. In this post from July, I was all about the self control. Now though, having one treat triggers the craving for more, and I end up letting myself binge. I've become lazy with my weight-watching.

I WILL have a loss this week though! Self-control and vegetables, here I come. I'll let you know how I do after next Friday's weigh-in :)

Friday, Friday
Gotta lose weight for Friday
Everybody's looking forward to a weight loss

(If you don't know what that last bit refers to, you're lucky. Or out of touch with memes. Both of which are healthy.)

Noes!

OK, I'm miffed today. I put on 2.5 pounds D: I can blame Easter for that - Sunday and Monday were declared no-diet days, so I shouldn't really be surprised. On Sunday we went to my Mum's, and she had lots of nice foods in, which of course got eaten. She'd made a trifle with mini eggs on top too, and my brother-in-law had made chocolate cake. I had two Easter eggs the next day as well. Nom nom nom ...

Back on track for this week though, and I've had a healthy-ish snack of reduced fat dip and baked crisps. 3.5 points, and part of my lunch - not too bad at all :) The 3 miles I've walked today, and tonight's dinner of Spaghetti Bolognese, from a Weight Watchers recipe, should help me on the way.

Ouchie

My knee hurts because there's too much weight on it, so I'm comfort eating. That's sensible. Although, does it count as comfort eating when you're genuinely hungry?

Only lost half a pound today. Bit miffed, but it's still something. We're getting a curry tonight though, so I'll probably put it straight back on :P Haven't had a curry since I started on Weight Watchers, so I'm looking forward to it! There's a shocking amount of points in a curry though ...